I have the flaw of taking things very personally. When someone can’t make it to an event I am planning, I consider what I may have done to lose their friendship, not that they may have a prior obligation
As I have gotten older, I’ve tried to separate what is personal and what is situational. This is clearly explained in Core Concept #1 in The Sandler Rules. Beginning the book with the important lesson of learning how to fail sets a foundation for the rest of the rules to be built upon.
David Mattson says, “failure is part of the human condition” (p. 13). It seems strange that the first rule would be to learn failure, since we are so accustomed to it, but Mattson wants us to use failure as a way to win.
It is important to learn from our failures, just as much as it is important to separate a ROLE-you failure from the REAL-you. Mattson defines the ROLE-you as your performance in a role, such as salesperson. The REAL-you is your self-identity and sense of self-worth. A failure in your role does not translate to a REAL-you failure. The REAL-you is still just as worthy and valuable as you were before the ROLE-you failure.
This truth is not just applicable to sales, but our walks with God, as well. If the human condition is inclined to failure it would make sense if God was constantly mad at us for our transgressions. However, our God is so full of grace and love that he chooses to see the REAL-you instead of the ROLE-you. One failure does not mean you are a total disappointment in God’s eyes. Rather, He wants you to learn from the failure and find your strength in the REAL-you, which is rooted in Him.
This Sandler Rule is my favorite because it reminds us as salespeople to distinguish who we are apart from our day job, just like it reminds us to separate how we see ourselves from how God sees us–precious and loved in every way.
Aliyah Shelatz 
tothrm19
I agree completely. While I never thought of it in terms of sales, this is something my parents stressed to me a lot growing up, especially in regards to school and sports.
I also really like this rule. It can applied to so many parts of life. Many times you can take a no, or another form a rejection to heart but really its just another way for you to learn! Very well written post!
This is something that I’m still learning as well. It’s not easy to accept your failures and differentiate between the real you and the role you. Thanks for such a well-written and relatable post!
This is a hard lesson for me to learn. Like you were saying, achievement culture makes us averse to failure. The concept of failure is often connotated wrong–learning to fail well is just as important as learning to win well.
AMEN! I’m not the only one! I did not realize this was a problem of mine as well until we learned that concept. Thanks for sharing.