Never Split the Difference – Bend Their Reality

The 6^th chapter of Never Split the Difference is called “Bend Their Reality” and is about more specific tactics to be used in monetary negotiations. There’s a lot to unpack in this chapter, so let’s jump right in.

The first part of the chapter deals with fairness, deadlines, and deals. Chris Voss points out that most negotiations are emotional and not logical, and the ultimatum in a deal is the word “fair.” If one side finds the deal unfair, it often falls through. He then talks about deadlines, and points out that although they feel serious, the hardly ever are. He suggests that deadlines cut both ways and pressure both parties to come to an agreement, but you should always remember that deadlines are often arbitrary and use them to your advantage. The last thing Chris points out is that no deal is better than a bad deal. What is a bad deal for Chris? Paying a kidnapper and them not releasing the hostage. That’s why Chris always goes for a good deal (discovering the real pain, addressing it, and paying the least money possible) and a no deal over a bad deal.

Chris Voss then gets into six tools for a monetary negotiation (think salary negotiation). Here they are.

1. Anchor their emotions – find out their pain and solidify it. You want to know what their need is and acknowledge the need.
2. Let the other guy go first…most of the time – Usually you want to let the other party say a number first. Most of the time in a salary negotiation, employees will undercut themselves on price.
3. Establish a range – Chris Voss recommends stating a range for a salary. This gives the other party some flexibility and also grounds them to a higher number. Let’s say you want a 40k salary. You should say “I’m looking for something in the ranger of 40k-48k.” When you do this, 40k seems like a lot less than 48k, and the employer is likely to choose the lower end of the range, which is what you really wanted all along.
4. Pivot to nonmonetary terms – If you can, bring some value that’s not related to money. Chris uses the example when a law school reached out to him for his services. By offering him a chance to be published in their magazine, they got him to give a discount on his expertise.
5. When you do talk numbers, use odd ones – Use odd numbers in a negotiation. 40k seems like an arbitrary number you took off the top of your head. 41,350 seems like a number you came to through reasonable thought and research.
6. Surprise with a gift – People tend to feel that gifts need to be repaid. Find a way to give a gift so the other party feels like they owe you one.