Never Split the Difference – Be a mirror

In this chapter, Chris talks about a few different techniques that he used in a hostage negotiation involving a bank robbery. Funny enough, I have actually noticed that Prof. Sweet uses these techniques in his examples during class.

1. Slow it down – The first thing Chris recommends in a negotiation is to slow things down. Often times people will rush to close, or rush to an agreement. This is very counterproductive.
2. Voice – If you’ve been paying attention in class, you’ll notice that Prof. Sweet slows down his speech and talks in a softer tone whenever talking to a student in a sales example. Chris Voss calls this the “Late Night, FM DJ Voice.” By using a soothing voice, you can help the person you are negotiating with calm down and relax during the negotiation. This is critical to having productive conversations and for helping the person you are negotiating with drop their pre-constructed defenses to your argument. This voice is used to make a critical point, whereas a positive or “playful” voice should be used throughout most of the conversation.
3. Mirroring – mirroring is a technique to get someone to reveal more information and also have the other person think about your side. As an example, Chris writes about an employee who had a boss who avoided digital workflows, which wasted this employees time since she often had to print out excessive amounts of work. Chris says “Popping his head into her office, the boss said ,”Lets make two copies of all the paperwork.” “I’m sorry, two copies?” she mirrored in response, remembering to use not only the DJ voice, but to ask in an inquisitive tone. Every time you mirror someone, they will reword what they said. They will never say it exactly the same way they said it the first time. Ask someone, “What do you mean by that?” and you will likely incite irritation or defensiveness.” The example then goes on with the employee mirroring the boss yet again, and in the end the boss is fine with two digital backups after thinking through the problem from her perspective.