Never Split the Difference – Labeling

The third chapter in Never Split the Difference is called “Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label It.” In this chapter, Chris Voss goes over some different techniques and tools to empathize with the person you are negotiating with. Once again, these techniques are very similar to some points Prof. Sweet has talked about in class.

The first tool Chris Voss talks about is what he calls “tactical empathy.” Tactical empathy refers to the ability to imagine yourself in the other person’s situation. The tactical part of it refers to the fact that you don’t have to agree with their side, but just by imagining this the other party will feel that you are listening more closely than if you had not at all.

The second thing Chris talks about is labeling. For this tool, Chris recalls a hostage situation that took place in a hotel. The kidnappers had cut the phone cords and remained so quiet and motionless that it seemed like no one was even in there. For six hours Chris used his DJ voice and used phrases like “It seems like you’re afraid you might get hurt if you come out.” After six hours, the kidnappers came out. The technique works by bringing the other party’s fears into the light, which makes them feel less scary. Make sure to always start phrases with “seems like” or “appears like”, since the last thing you would want to do is make it seem like you are assuming the other person’s position.

The last thing Voss mentions is an accusation audit. This is done by listing potential accusations that will be used against you in a negotiation. Sometimes when you say what someone might be thinking before they say it, it will sound ridiculous coming out of another person’s mouth.