I have begun to notice how much asking questions leads to better understanding in relationships. In typical conversations, this is where I find myself.
“How are you?” “Not so well.” Oh no! What’s up?” *insert some problem with friends/relationships/ academics/etc.* “Oh wow. That must be really hard. Let me tell you how I dealt with this before.”
Granted that’s not exactly how I intend for it to come out, but it sounds pretty awful looking back on it. In class we have talked a lot about asking the right questions. A prospect who is listening isn’t a prospect, and a friend who is listening when they are in need isn’t much of a friend. The hope is that my past trials can bring a new perspective and encouragement to the person in need, but that’s not always what they want to hear. It ends up much more like spilling all the candy before you even know what the real problem is. I can start telling a story and offering advice that isn’t even relevant to the issue at hand because I didn’t listen well.
I believe that there is this imaginary wall that pain can build. Because we imagine the prospect to be in pain, we don’t really want to bring it up. We don’t want to remind them of it or somehow make it worse. But what resolution comes from that? If we want to serve others, we need to understand the pain before we can do anything about it. I have always counted myself as a good listener, because I love listening to others share. But a huge part of being a good listener is being able to ask the right questions to get people talking (and thinking). Our mission is to learn about the problem and that is done through both avenues of listening and asking hard questions, even if there is pain involved.
BoweryJE22
This is a great point. I have definitely had people try and give me advice on something I’ve only begun telling them about. The whole time you just want to tell them to shut up and listen.
just like we learned in class, the problem that the customer comes with initially is not always the real problem. sometimes you have to address the real pain directly to understand the customer.