What’s your prospect’s birth order?

Part of building that all-important relationship is understanding with whom you’re constructing that bridge. Each individual has different things that are important to them and much of it can be linked to their birth order. Are they an only child? First born? Middle? The baby? Are they the first-born male or female? Maybe there’s a little role reversal going on within the family? (Now, granted, you probably won’t find that out right away – that gets into some of their pretty personal family issues and THAT kind of trust hasn’t been built yet.) Still, though, it’s pretty easy to identify where they ended up in their family by how they present themselves. Check out your prospect’s office is organized (or lack thereof), how they present themselves, what kind of time-schedule they operate on, how they speak… they’ll leave little clues for you without even realizing it.

Easy to See Clues

• Neat desks vs. sloppy ones.  First born vs. a last born, 8 times out of ten.
• 14 number 2 pencils “standing tall” and sharpened in the pencil cup. First born.
• Prospect opens with a funny joke.  Last born.  Why?  Last borns love attention.
• Someone late for a meeting?  Definitely not a first born—could be a middle or a last born.
• Friendly, or open-minded, without you having to ‘earn’ it? Middle or last born, leaning more towards Middle, 7 out of 10 times.

First Borns and the Only Child

They’ll usually have the following characteristics: perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, list-maker, well organized, critical, serious, scholarly, often “black and white” mindset (very little grey).

If you’re selling to these individuals, keep these tips in mind:

• Be on time.
• Don’t touch anything on their desk.
• Be prepared to live up to their high expectations. Don’t confuse that with being subservient. Just deliver on what you promise.
• Be prepared to follow a first born’s lead.
• Prepare an agenda and follow it.
• Watch the humor.
• Pay attention to the details. They’re waiting for you to “trip up.”

Middle Children

These “rebels” usually have the following traits: mediator, fewest pictures in the family photo album, avoids conflict but competitive, independent, they don’t like to make commitments, extreme loyalty to the peer group, many friends, a maverick.

Tips for interacting with them?

•  Always let a middle child “sum up” and say out loud what you believe the two of you have agreed to. It actually has to come from their lips in order for them to honor it.
• The flip side is you’ll have difficulty tying down a middle child to a commitment.
• Apples for apples, a middle child can out-manipulate the rest of you, so be careful.
• A sloppy desk doesn’t necessarily mean a disorganized person They know what pile something’s in, if they really needed to put their hands on it.
• It’s easy to confuse a middle child’s easy going, friendly demeanor as open-mindedness.
• Middle children are looking for loyal relationships (but not with immediate family), because that’s what was missing growing up: Undivided attention. Translation to sales? Middle child customers are very loyal to their suppliers, so get a good track record established early on in the relationship.
• One-upsmanship, favoritism and phonies are disliked by them.  In a sales environment it is especially important to use the “not ok” rule; i.e. intentionally place them above you. They should feel just a little more “ok” than you, but you need to always be upfront and honest with them.
• Middle born seldom forgives and never forgets.
• They are persistent in the face of adversity and confusion. Don’t count on them backing down if they perceive you as a personal challenge.
• Middle borns are well liked and they want to have an impact on others. Be interested in their thoughts and you have won a friend.

The Baby

These disrupters of the peace… said in the kindest way possible, I assure you 😉 … are usually the attention seekers, charming to the point of manipulation if not careful, blames others, shows off, engaging, precocious, and usually make really great sales people.

If you’re selling to these sellers, remember the following tips:

• Get them involved personally in any presentations that are required—they will bathe in the attention.
• Give out plenty of “strokes;” they crave them, as long as they’re sincere.
• Understand that an excited last born on Wednesday can easily disintegrate by Thursday. It’s that ambivalence they felt growing up – it stays with them.
• Also understand that getting a last born to make a commitment will be difficult; it goes against their grain.
• Taking control and telling a last born what the real problem is tends to be a real eye opener for them; in some small psychological way you are assuming the role of big brother or   sister, all over again.

For more information on birth order pertaining to sales, you can see Birth Order and the Sales Professional (JSTOR), The Psychology Behind the Sale: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (Sandler Training), and Birth Order Selling Strategies (Evan Carmichael). If you’re interested in birth order as a whole, I’d suggest The Birth Order Book by Kevin Leman – it’s quite interesting and also has a portion on sales from both the seller’s and prospect’s perspectives (and then it goes even more in-depth on how one birth order individual will best move another birth order individual).