Everybody hates being rejected. Rejection hurts for many different reasons, whether it is the denial of something you want or the pain of your injured pride. Almost any rejection will combine the frustration of every area, but we feel it particularly acutely in areas where we are most invested in the acceptance of our proposals.
Anytime we set out to do something, we invest a proportion of our own self-worth into it. We associate with ourselves. Essentially, we buy stock in its success by spending our own self-worth. If it succeeds, we feel validated and reap capital gains in our valuation of ourselves. If it fails, though, we don’t merely take it as a setback, but feel as if this failure is a diminishment of our own value.
This is why the role-distinction method Mattson proposes in The Sandler Rules is so effective. By diversifying your mental portfolio, you reduce the mental losses you feel upon a rejection. You are in essence saying to yourself, “That’s too bad, but it mostly wasn’t me.” It’s a powerful tactic to manipulate your own mental state, and is a very effective tool for mitigating the pain of rejection.
This tactic – distinguishing between the “role-you” and the “real-you” – does bear a great resemblance to “sour grapes.” However, it’s important to note that while these self-justifying tactics can represent nothing more than hand-waving at your problems, they can create very real benefits in some areas, especially sales. In an area where fear of rejection can present a serious obstacle to success, tactics that let you overcome that fear are highly beneficial.
BoweryJE22
Great Post! I think one of the best ways to balance self esteem and better results in a sales situations is to know that your identity and self worth are not wrapped up in your success as a sales person. Just because someone doesn’t purchase what you are selling, does not mean you are bad at your job. It is important to remember that not everyone needs your product. I think looking at failed sales experiences as a learning opportunity compared to a defeat is what truly drives successful sales people.
Especially in the case of rejection, keeping a distinction between the role-you and the real-you is essential. Keeping that distinction also makes it easier to view failures as a learning experience instead of a personal flaw.